What does the rabbit say to the snowman? Ho Ho Ho.

Ski instructor

What's the difference between God and a ski instructor? God doesn't think he's a ski instructor. -Floh Riän

How does the Tyrolean ski instructor realize that the season is over? He has to take his own pants off again in the evening. -Moe Zarella

I'm a ski instructor! I've never had any money or fear! -Tomáš Holien?ík

Snowboarder

Excited call to the mountain rescue service: "We have an avalanche! People are buried!" "Skiers or snowboarders?" the mountain rescue service asks back. "It doesn't matter! People!" "Yes", replies the mountain rescue service, "but we need to know whether we have to send the avalanche dog or the drug dog." -SamStag

What's the difference between an onion and a snowboard? You don't have to cry when you split a snowboard in half! -Achim Stein

What's the difference between a snowboard student and a snowboard instructor? - 3 days! -Christoph Marstaller

What's the difference between a skier and a snowboarder? A snowboarder only needs one board! -Paul Arndt

How do you recognize a skier in a group? He's the only one standing! - Luc As

Advent Advent a boarder burns, first the arm burns and then the leg and then the whole little boarder. -Rolf

Farming

If the farmer dies in October, he needs kan sweater in winter! -Fabian Lukas

A farmer has three pigs. Winter is coming and he wants to protect the animals from the cold, so he asks his wife if she would mind if the pigs lived in the house with him.
She is against it: "You want them to live here with us? There's no way. Think of the stench!"
The farmer replies: "Oh, the animals will get used to it!" -Ben 007

What does Hilde the cow sacrifice to her farmer Hans the ski tourer at the cattle drive? - Her fur! -Angel

Men and women

Why can't blondes ski? Because there's no snow between the bedroom and the kitchen. -Gebhard Herzog

A couple comes into the freezing ski hut. He points to the kindling next to the stove and tells her to light it while he goes to fetch some large logs. He comes back, she kneels in front of the stove "hmm, yes, you're so good, go on, oohhh ..." He gets angry: "You shouldn't light it like that, light it!" She responds: "... Oven! ... Oven! ... Oven! ..." -Gabi Waber

What do men get when they lie naked in the meter-high Arlberg powder? - Snowdrops. -Freed

When two ski bums meet. Says the one. Yo Dude: Got new skis for my wife. Says the other one: Good deal Dude. -Moe Zarella

A wife goes on a skiing vacation alone and ends up in bed with her handsome ski instructor. After an erotic night with him, she asks him his name:
"Toni."
"And your last name?"
"I won't tell you, otherwise you'll laugh at me", he says.
"Please tell me. I certainly won't laugh, she promises.
"All right. My name is Neuschnee".
Then she starts to laugh out loud. Toni is offended: "You promised not to laugh."
She says:
"I'm only laughing because my husband said when I left - I wish you 20 cm of fresh snow every day!" -Muerte

In the beginners' ski course on the first day, the ski instructor stands in front of the beginners' group on the piste: "So, now let's get to the back position!"" To which the only blonde in the course replies: "What so early and here, in front of everyone?" -4Frankie

What's the difference between a piste bully and a hot woman? - Ever been under it? -dicky

World of animals

What hops through the snow and is black and white? - A sprenguin! -Thomas Gehrt

How does a rabbit attack a snowman? - Give me a carrot or I'll blow-dry you! -Regina Nuding

Two polar bears are running through the desert. After a while, one says to the other: "But they must have had a lot of snow here"! "Why?" asks the other. "Well, because they've spread so much here!" -Doris Kramesberger

A snail crawls up a cherry tree in winter. A bird comes by and asks: "What are you doing there?"
The snail: "I want to eat cherries."
"But there's nothing on it!" says the bird.
"When I'm up there, yes," replies the snail. -bruce_twarzen

One duck asks the other: "Do you believe in life after Christmas?" -hufmann

Winter is over, the sun comes out, the leaf photosynthesizes and grows big, green and juicy. The worm eats the leaf and grows big, green and juicy. Then the bird arrives. The bird eats the worm and becomes fat and juicy. The cat takes a run-up, starts to jump, misses the bird and falls into the pond.
And what do we learn from this? When winter is over, the pussy gets wet. -Schertel

Anecdotes, sayings, miscellaneous

Two Swiss people are sitting in front of the TV watching the World Ski Championship downhill race. Says the first: Great, those slow-motion shots, aren't they? Replies the other: Those aren't slow-motion shots, that's the fastest Swiss! -Natalia Strap

Two cookies go skiing, one crumbles. -Marc Schaber

"Why don't you actually carry on building in winter?" the builder wants to know. "Well listen, we'd burst all the beer bottles in the cold!" -Arne Jehle

Franz receives a complete set of ski equipment as a birthday present. In his eagerness and high on alcohol, he puts everything on at the party, including the skis, and wants to show off to his neighbor. So he stomps out into the stairwell and stands in front of the neighbor's front door. Unfortunately, the skis are too long, so he bends down to press the doorbell. However, he slips on the slippery tiles and sails backwards down the stairs. On his way down, he knocks over 70-year-old Mrs. Meier, who breaks her leg and is taken to hospital. A day later, Franz is haunted by a guilty conscience and decides to visit Mrs. Meier. At the hospital reception desk, he is given a dirty look. So he goes to see a senior doctor and asks which room his neighbor is in. The senior doctor pulls him aside and says quietly: "The old woman with the broken leg? We admitted her to the asylum." He waves his hand in front of his face: "She was completely crazy. She thought she had been run over by a skier in the stairwell." -Heiko Krueger